I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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