i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
