Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
