I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
