you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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