Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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