A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
