It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
