You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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