Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
