He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
