i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
