M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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