it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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