You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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