Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Randomize
