I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
