Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
