Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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