the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
