love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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