I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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