i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize