all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
