Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
