You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love you. Go after that dick
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
