i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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