i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
