I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
