i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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