I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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