If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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