Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
