wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
