I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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