tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
