Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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