My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
