I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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