i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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