I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
