The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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