I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
