it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize