im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
