What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ttyl tear gas
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
