he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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