My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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