it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize