you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
