U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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