we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize