im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
