You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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