i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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