Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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