Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You took a bar mat shot.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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