The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
