Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
