another moral hangover. fuck.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
