i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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