I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
