Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize