20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
