Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
