Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
