omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize