I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
