don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
