I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
