you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
