He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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