just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
