Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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