Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are the jesus of drinking
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
