why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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