Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
