He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize