At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
